You Never Know

I was dreading Mother's Day because I miss Andrew. And my Mom. My incredibly strong Grandmother's too. On Friday, I went to a funeral. Ray's Uncle Dick died suddenly of a heart attack. It was a shock to his adult children who lost their mother, Dick's wife, Carol seven months before. She had Dementia, a different type of long term loss. 

And on Saturday, Ray came home from a bike ride, shaken up. He had passed a horrible car accident, seen one sheet covered body and a child's blanket. We later found out a mother and  two children had died. A man in the passenger seat survived. And I thought about the grief of someone's mother or grandmother and sent a prayer to them.

 So Mother's Day morning, my thoughts wandered to my own father, who passed away from complications of Dementia and my mother who died, suddenly, over the course of  several days from a heart attack onto what people said at Dick's funeral which echoed what I thought when my mom passed. 

"You never know how long you have with someone. You assume, based on what you see and what you hope for... but you don't know." I think we feel like we know, we feel like we're more right than wrong but  really, it's just a guess. About anyone's mortality including our own. 

I had some wonderful and some not so wonderful Mother's Days with Andrew and with Nadia. And not having more with Andrew is hard. Grief is hard. I woke up and thought, this is all I have today. I'll try to enjoy what I can. My word for the year is enjoy. So, enjoy what I can today.

We went for a long walk with the two dogs. And I found a feather, a lovely long striped one on our walk which I take as a sign. We met Nadia at the airport and had a late brunch with her. Ray bought me a perfect card... and then it was over. I'm relieved today. I did my best to enjoy.