Yellow

 The leaves on the big backyard Oak have the first tinge of yellow and boom. My brain, friend and foe, presents a memory, me talking the two kids into taking photos beneath the Oak’s powerful all yellow leaves. Age 6 and 8. Andrew mischievous, and teasing her, Nadia doing cute poses. The photos are some of my favorites. The memory makes me sob. And this...the part That makes me repeat ONLY one day at a time.  A future of this? A series of memories for each season? I know, they’ll recede. I know and even now, I feel this love, this strongest emotion, for all of those passed but with Andrew for now, it’s a future so grim I look down when I think of it.  I don’t want to see; inside my head or outside, some days are about a willful effort of refocusing.