Shock

 Deep cold followed by thawing. The snow looks tracked and old now.  I imagine I feel my pupils expanding to sun's reflection on the snow. I seem to have entered a type of doldrums. I don't feel like I have much to say. 

The world feels sort of empty. It's not; I've seen a pair of Cardinals in the back yard. Watched Squirrels on the circuits among the trees. Seen where the deer lay; soft round circles with hoof prints around them. 

What do we call this time? It feels like mid Winter although March is closer to the end.  I feel lost in a swirl of inner clouds. I think of this state as me protecting me. I'm taking a break from thinking, feeling. Loss is swaddled in cotton wool. I used to think it was wrong; a moral judgement. Now I think of this feeling like shock. Shock is what the body does to figure out what to do next. We don't stay in a state of shock. It will pass. So, I can be here for a while. Enjoy the sun on my face and just drift.