We've been engaged on a search for a possible cabin. We've spent a couple Sundays looking. Trying to envision ourselves in a place, soaking in peace, watching water, enjoying being in and on the water. Truly Minnesotan thing to do...The family cabin holds a lot of wonderful and sad memories around our kids growing up. We share it. And the families have grown generationally.
Looking at a new cabin means the realization that one child will enjoy it. The other will never know this new place. One child might bring her family someday. It's the tinge of sadness, the opaque darkness on the edge of living forward. The acknowledgement of different even as we focus on the present and future.
I don't know what the future would have been like for Andrew. But I think part of loss is mourning what might have been. What I wanted without really thinking about it until I didn't have the possibility. A story in my head more like a murmur than words.
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