Some Days

 Just for today, I’ll live as if it’s not my fault 

Just for today I’ll let go of making sense of this 

impossibly messy series of events that constructed 

a life and construct my life. 

Just for today,  I’ll forgive myself for my insensible, 

dark thoughts. I’ll stay away from a room where 

pain is a color draping the walls, permeating the air. 

Just for today, I’ll focus on breathing, on walking,

 on seeing. 

 Note

Just for today is about acceptance. I believe when a child is born to us, we as mothers ( can’t speak for fathers) make a promise with ourselves and God to not let anything happen to this child. This child we love more than anything. And when it did, illogical as it may be, I feel I failed. I broke my, truly impossible to keep, but I broke my promise. That’s part of what I feel, especially on dark days  

And there is this, I think we are biologically wired and bound to our children. Always forever.