Post thanksgiving

Well, we made it through thanksgiving. We went for a hike, went to a buffet and ate a lot, came home did puzzles and did a movie. Awful movie

Nadia wrote this lovely post on facebook about what she was thankful for. The next day we drove up to see my husbands' brothers sons; all my sons age but married or in relationships and with children. I almost didn't go; I cried in the car by myself for about an hour on the drive up.

We bickered most of the morning as a family. Angry, sad, in pain. We ended up staying for about an hour. Staying a short time was the best thing I did in a hard choice time. I was glad I saw them but almost not glad I saw them that day.

Andrew hasn't been with us for some holiday seasons. And we had some tough ones with him. But its the finality, the knowing we will never have another one with him physically present with us that is so hard.

Today is Monday. I have a solid day of busyness at work. and while meditating ended up in sobs, the whole body kind. The ball of fire was in my chest again.

I went to a book club yesterday. one member is having parent old age issues. It was hard to listen to it. but it helped to realize other people are in pain too.
The thing is I know Andrew was with us on Thanksgiving day. I'm so grateful for that.  I think he was with one of our friends who is struggling as well. He is such a good person and always was. I know he's around, trying to help us now.  Love you Andrew.