Sad

 Ive learned with grieving about the different kinds of sad. Barely sad, like someone touching your hand, easily brushed away. 

More sad, a spreading sensation around my sternum, deepening into shards of memory. I can move by the memory but the feeling rests like pressure for a while; a day or a few days. 

And of course, grieving sad, the sad taking over my body, the ache of sad, of fiercely missing Andrew. And the other people who have passed. 

I realized this holiday season I manage sad by avoidance when sad ramps up at the holidays. I don’t watch the sad news much, listen to sad stories from friends, watch or read sad dramas.

I like light mysteries, happy endings. I gain comfort from rereading my favorite books. It’s okay to be sad. To miss people. But it’s also okay to manage sad.