Rooms

 I’ve realized another twisted truth; impossibly sad but  actually brought me some rest. There is a piece of me that’s gone. It’s a literal piece. 

Andrew is in my heart but like my analogy comparing loss to losing my arm…. I literally feel pain in a place of internal emptiness. I feel off center at times. 

My world changed. Sometimes, I have balance. Sometimes I don’t. It’s that place.. maybe… that Andrew alive lived in, maybe…. A huge room because don’t we give our children the biggest room in our internal houses? 

Im thinking it’s the room he has when he was present, when there was a future to be looked forward to, with him. Now he’s in my heart and I feel his presence but it’s different. I have to go along, get along in life with that big, empty room.