Thoughts

 In my work as a psychotherapist, I am fascinated by how often a persons’ stories interact with their natural landscape. How much of their identity is tied to their "home" landscape.  I’m curious about identity. How does our mobile culture, where people move frequently, untethered from the landscape of home… impact identity? 

Identity is basically our personality traits and values, roles over time and impactful life events. Identity changes over our lives. I was born in San Francisco. Memories are the sound of the sea and the smell of Eucalyptus trees. When I smell Eucalyptus, I access the girl who spent most days finding solace in green park spaces.  When I visit, I remember her better. If any landscape would be my home, wouldn’t it be my childhood home? Instead, in San Francisco I feel bittersweet; seeing the familiar and how it has changed. Would I feel differently if I had lived through the changes? 

I moved a lot between then and now; settling in Minnesota behind an old growth forest of oaks and maples. Those huge trees have anchored me.  I watch them thrashing in storms, standing green leafed arms outstretched, barren and still in a cold winter. I have repeatedly thought of how old, how much they witness just standing there. I have been comforted and able to bear more in my own life. I have grown some patience and perspective with their help. 

 I believe there is a type of learning we can’t get from each other, from AI, from any other place but the natural world. We can learn how to know ourselves better from interacting with the unknowable and to most of us, the beautiful. I have always loved the quote, "And what shall I love, if not the enigma?"

As a therapist, I listen to stories. . One of the most curious and inspiring type of stories is the “fight for love.” I don’t mean romantic love. I mean when loving is hard and challenging. When loving changes you but… you do it anyway. 

It could be helping a family member through illness, loss, financial hard times. It could be fighting for land, community.  I have heard farmers say they love the land. It could be the hard fight for the voiceless which includes love of nature, animals, the vulnerable. The point is the person fighting is mostly motivated by love, not hatred or justice.. although other values are usually involved. Motivation can be a murky business.

I have noticed some themes in those stories. Giving up is thought about and even happens silently, again and again. Acceptance of how hard this is and renewed willingness to keep going, happens again and again.It's rare I hear someone fully commit and not question their commitment at some point. To me, it seems human when we are suffering to question even if the answer is always the same. 

A challenging love helps us learn about how we love; positive and negative. The recommitting, the sticking it through.  Support from strangers, friends, relatives seems to be pivotal, synchronistic. Also, the negatives; people saying you should give up, you are crazy, it’s hopeless.  Many people have told me the “stop it' comment has the strongest opposite impact. 

Recently, I was in another country. I met people who were concerned, angry, disgusted by what was happening in my country. And so am I. When we finished talking I said but… I love my country. And they nodded. They understood. 

I realized in that moment, part of my identity doesn’t have to be about living in a certain landscape. I have a national identity. I love this country. This country is home, in a very broad, only way I know, definition of home. One of the inspiring things about the fight for love is choice. We can choose to fight for what we love about our country. It will change us. That’s the way love works. And what better to change us, then love?