Be Lost

Old English losian 'perish, destroy', also 'become unable to find', from los 'loss'. Loose from the Middle English, free from bonds.

We got lost. You looked at me from the deep drifts

and your husband far ahead but still visible, trudging up and down knee deep in snow. We're lost you said, naming it and you shook your head because sure, I get lost a lot and despite the obvious reach for the right philosophical attitude; you know, like, enjoy being lost, life is all about being lost, sometimes being lost is just being lost.

and anyway, all three of us were wondering as the wind kept building 

and the pretty snow flakes falling straight begin to move sideways. 

And I climb up to the top of this wooded ravine hoping as I wade fast, anxious, through thigh deep snow, hoping at the top to see the familiar and as I fail,

I hurry back down because we are explorers now, trying to find our way 

and your husband went another way, and you stood there waiting 

because your boots were filled with the most snow and as you shake your head at me, you are thinking, of course, we are lost, it's Margot! and I say, because it's true but I'm feeling guilty, ashamed, but, but, do you still love me? half joking and half not and you say, recognizing both, “always and forever,” and shake your head again, laughing a little and the same thing, the same words a few moments later bursts out of me with your husband, shaking his head at me, and I say but do you still love me? and his yes, shaken head answer and I carry them, the words, down the road with you both and onto the porch of that farmhouse, that strange farmer, those phone calls and eventual rescue.

And now I can say, I learned something new from being lost. Lost is from lose, I looked it up, which means, Middle English, lose the bonds and that's what I do. 

I lose the bonds of the world, of the trail, of the path. I am in the moment, isn't that supposed to be good?, groan, I know! I lose my way but my friends and God/the universe taught me... I'm anchored. I'm anchored always, to those who love me, whether they are in the woods with me or somewhere else. See, I thought the lesson was all about me; trying to work with my flaws, my mistakes and some of it is, right? But knowing I am loved when I am trying not to do that thing I always do and remembering it, when I am failing. ..isn't that more important?




And then, maybe this too: We've all been lost some time, even if we don’t name it. We let loose the bonds of our lives, we wander off course. So, today, I have this 

to offer the next time you are lost. You are not stupid, should not feel guilty 

or ashamed, even if you are in the midst of a huge forest you can’t see

your way out of. You try and I'll try, to remember, in the midst of this mistake, 

this being lost... we are loved.