Disturbance

 Theres been a lot of disturbance, a good word… We were living without a kitchen, with a lot of dust and dirt while some changes”updating” has been done. Now we’re unpacking boxes again.

I went through a box with papers related to Andrew's journey through the system. I thought about how sad it is that he spent a lot of time unhappy or at least in unhappy places while we tried to help him, because of his addiction.

 I know he didn't think we were helping him. I know he probably hated us at times. It doesn't hurt as much now to think about this. But despite all the pain, his and mine, I would still have him here given a choice, in an instant; addicted or not. 

I don't think this is a feeling I'll give up. I think this is one I'll carry with me. Maybe it's really just a part of love, this capacity to love despite suffering, to even chose suffering, challenges to love the person. Loving a child is so different than romantic love but sometimes the same words can apply. Maybe, this is the definition of true love.