I read that some people cling to the pain of grief because they fear letting the pain go means feeling farther away from the person. When I am in pain, I’m thinking deeply about the person. I can see how this could translate into feeling closer. Am I doing this? My answer is I think different kinds of pain are a part of grief.
What anchors me is remembering how much Andrew liked being happy. I feel close to him when I’m happy. So knowing he wouldn’t want anyone he loves to suffer, means a connection through pain wouldn’t be what he would want, or what I would want for people I love. So I try to let the pain go… when I can. Where I can. But pain has a broad field.
The force and suddenness of the pain of loss can still surprise me. And that pain isn’t about feeling close to him. It’s about remembering to breathe.
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