ANXIOUS BRAINS

The deep freeze has stopped. I liked the stillness; the lack of movement and sound. . No bird song. The comfort of cocooning. This stillness, also called freezing is what happens in the fight or flight response. 

People experiencing those symptoms can feel like they can’t move or they want to run away. Rapid heartbeat, sweating, inability to think logically are some of the other symptoms. When I work with this level of anxiety, I remind my clients, your brain is trying to save you. The brain has perceived a high level of threat to your life. Therefore, it sends you a response to this threat. 

The problem is the brain with higher anxiety perceives threats too readily. It’s a short step to a panic attack if you’re already anxious i. e. worried alot, negative thoughts abounding about the future, unable to relax, not sleeping well, irritable and other symptoms. Which brings us to the fight response. Reacting with anger, feeling the urge to protect with a punch, a claw or a bite for example. 

So many people are saying to me in therapy: I don’t understand what is happening. The assumption being I can calm down if I understand. Sometimes, understanding what and why an event is happening doesn’t calm us down much. 

What can help is moving forward is not moving but addressing the fear behind the event in a non reactive way. Also reminding yourself of who you are; a person with internal honesty, a person with a sense of right and wrong. Values laid down and lived by. 

So, let's say you hear something in the news that feels literally crazy. You think it is a lie. So you try to understand. But if you value honesty, a lie is a lie.  Every lie erodes trust; allows all of us to question this person going forward. As a famous therapy book says, it's time to Go back to One. Go back to your values, your sense of right and wrong, your gut instinct about what is being said. Speak to your "what if" fear.

If the lie continues to be told vociferously, dogmatically, especially from people we want to trust; our response is to become more anxious. The anxious cloudy brain struggles to sort truth from lies.... Maybe part of it is true. Why would they lie to us? Overthinking the lie, trying even harder to evade the fear response. Saying things like we all lie, they are lying to protect us, themselves…

It’s better for your mental health to face the truth. They lied.  I don’t trust them as much. I’ll have to pay attention and question more of what they say. 

I can’t help but think about the British phrase used in World War II. "Keep calm and carry on." So smart! A great response to anxiety and fear.  That phrase was also about trusting leaders not to make statements or threats which only stir people up to a state of anxiety and fear that does nothing but cause suffering. That is not what is happening now. 

So it’s up to us. It’s going to be harder but it’s a muscle worth building. Be honest, with yourself and with others. By exposing the lie, we support each other in reality. By staying calm, we can think through our responses. We can learn how to work with fear productively. Not react, not panic. 

I don’t know why crazy things are being said.  I’m not going to waste my time and energy trying to figure it out. I’m going to think about whether this crazy thing being said works with my values, my intuition and voice my opinion by voting, by speaking up with friends, family and the people I elected. I’m going to take note of how often they lie or say crazy things and trust accordingly. 

And when I see people becoming homeless, children starving, families being separated, blatant racism happening because ultimately these changes are going to “make it better for all of us” I’m calling that out as the lie it is. Because after 40 years of working with suffering I believe, there is a level of suffering that is completely, utterly unproductive. And these changes have taken us there.