I think the holidays have gotten me to think through social experiences. Sometimes in a general conversation with someone who doesn't know me well, Andrew's passing will come up. It happens when someone asks, "How many children do you have? I always say, " I have two children." And talk about each of them in as matter of fact a way as I can. I've met parents who won't mention the one who has passed; they don't want it to be awkward, to feel pity from others. I don't want that either!
To say I have one child makes me feel dishonest. To say the truth, to speak about Andrew, " he passed away two years ago. He loved junk food and had a great sense of humor" feels true and honest. I've decided to accept it makes the other person uncomfortable and/or makes the moment awkward. I do get "Oh, I'm so sorry" but more often, people just move on rather than ask for details.
I feel good about being committed to being honest. To honoring Andrew by talking about him. I'm no longer willing to be dishonest to make it easier or less awkward. That's a change in me made by grief. And I'm glad.
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