Monday's three sentences

Mondays are hard. so writing about them makes me feel better. Hopefully helps my readers as well. So, here we are in the midst of a pandemic. I think Andrew would be making jokes about this. I miss his sense of humor. Even as I see him, and his smirky smile laughing in my head. He would joke about the panic and fear. And it would help. So, I'll think of his doing so and carry on.

And that is one of my three sentences for the pandemic today. Carry on. Carry on because I always knew we were going to die sometime. We all know. Now death feels closer, more possible... when it's always there. Hovering on the edges, breathing in and out with in our daily lives. Mine anyway. Definitely more so with grief and loss. And this part of Spring is about loss, about letting go of the frayed graying rope of Winter.

  Look for beauty and kindness is number two. Looking for beauty in this late spring world of gray and brown is hard. Outside my window, the Hostas'  splayed out gray brown leaves of last year are pummeled into the ground. I could pull the leaves away and dig my fingers into the cold dirt exposing thick green and white shoots, really, tiny green leaves compressed. I have to wait, a word I'm sincerely hating, because the nights are still cold. The shoots need their raggedy winter sweaters for a while longer.

Waiting at its' best is appreciating the ugliness of early efforts, the messiness of trying to be born. But, but, the birds are singing.  Why do I never hear them miss a note? Are they born perfectly singing?

Remember regret is my third one. Because although I thirst, I want, want, want green; trees, leaves, grass..I have the oddest mix of reactions when I look out the window and see early summer has unfurled. I'll feel regret because it's done. No more wanting, looking waiting.  Summer is about enjoyment and the bittersweet acknowledgment of being in the middle of year.